actualpalestinianunicorn:

note-a-bear:

"I told you both of us could fit.""I fucking hate you right now."

I didn’t realize there was two in there

meladoodle:

someone is trying to convince me that the name ‘glen’ is short for ‘glenjamin’ and i cant stop laughing

67,915 notes

dropdeadesu:

A friend of mine just messaged me saying “I fucked up. I was doing math with my son, and I told him to ‘hold up eleven fingers’ and he started to panic and I didn’t realize why until he screamed ‘MOM…MOM I ONLY HAVE TEN”

103,092 notes

1337tattoos:

Manuel Zellkern

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oh-common-life:

Michelle knows.

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driftwoodrecs:

just found this and i have no idea where it came from

kushingtonisle:

Me at 8:30: “Oh shit it’s beer thirty” *grabs a beer*
Me at 9:30: “Oh shit it’s beer thirty” *grabs a beer*
Me at 10:30: “Oh shit it’s beer thirty” *grabs a beer*

You get the picture.

4 notes

madredenutrias:

Wait. … wait…